Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
