Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
