Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
