So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Quick, to the slutcave!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
