I feel like abortions should bother me more
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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