i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
