we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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