She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
