how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
