My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
