david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
