You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
