are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
