Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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