Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
