yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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