If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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