He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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