Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
