I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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