so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
