his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
