I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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