But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
