YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
