people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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