Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
