I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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