this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
