How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
