guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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