i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
