Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
