Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
