no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
