I have demons in me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
