I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
