it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
