Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
