I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
