Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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