Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
