Can i not drive my cunt home
another moral hangover. fuck.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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