also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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