Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
