So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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