The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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