i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
