GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
