I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
